I have always known that you were my way out of hell
by Cara Riddle
Summary: Cassian find him in time, and they talk, a talk the should have many years ago. Is it to late to say it? Cassian/Jizabel, don't like it, don't read it!


"I am not letting you go! Not when I am seeing you again." The man with the brown hair was looking in to the weak blue eyes of the other man.  
"Cassian just let me die" the other man's voice was weak and he coughed blood and close his eyes.  
"How can you even say such thing? I am not just going to let you just die, not when we are together again." Said Cassian and gently laid the other man's head in his lap, the other man didn't answer him. "Please talk to me" Cassian begged, he saw how the room was starting to collapse, yes the whole tower, but he didn't mind as long they were together.  
"Why did you come back?" The wounded man's voice was not more than a whisper and he opened slowly his eyes and too met the brown one.  
"Do you not understand that?" Cassian asks and the other man didn't answer, the wounded man was too weak. "I don't hate you, even if that's what you thought. I can confess that I wasn't happy when you gave me Cassandras body" Cassian played with the other man's hair "It was me that I hated or rather Cassandra. I hated him because what he did to you with his hands and body, and I couldn't bear to be near you and remind you every day" Cassian closes his eyes a short moment before he looked at the other man. He saw the pain in the doctor's face, and he knew that the man was going through memories, painful memories. Cassian knew too well was he was reminiscing of, the moments when he and Cassandra were alone in his mansion and he molested him and Cassian could not stop him or be there for the doctor. Cassian was surprised to see that the doctor showed so little emotion, and even if he was dying he didn't seem to feel the pain of the wound. But Cassian knows very well that the man hade feelings, how many times had he not heard the doctor cry out in to the night? Or the happy moments he had with his animal. He always smiled when he saw how gently the doctor treats animals. Cassian catches the doctors eye and started to talk again.  
"That's was why I left you, so you wouldn't be haunted by memories everyday" said Cassian and smile warmly.  
"You made me sadder when you left me behind" the dying man was honest and Cassian felt sad.  
"That wasn't my intention, I thought that I protected you and if I scared you more, I apologize" Cassian decides to take the doctors hand and he was nervous what the doctor would do. The only time he was allowed to touch him was when he took care of his wounds that his father have be giving to him. The other man coughed again and Cassian started to get really worried.  
"Don't leave me, promise me that" said Cassian seriously.  
"Then keep talking to me" begged the other man and Cassian looked at him. He looked like an angel and he had always looked like an angel, even now when his wings was full of madness.  
"I don't know what you want me to say. I am mad at you right now, mad because I warn you and ask you to leave you father, before he caused your death. Why did you even save him?" He watch the wounded man and the bullet hole, the was bleeding more than it should and even if he had been working for the doctor for many years he knew surprisingly little about saving a life. They were always taking life and the doctor had the name death and it was a reason for that.  
"I have to let him live, he cannot die" said the man with greyblond hair and when Cassian saw in to his eyes he couldn't be mad at him, he was like a child even if he was a grownup man, and Cassian couldn't be mad at him for long. It wasn't his fault, it was his father, Alexis fault. He was the man how should love and protect him, instead he hated him and destroyed him. He let him believe that he was the one how were supposed to take the fall for him, and die in his place. Alexis could without problems see him fall in to hell and do nothing, Alexis want the whole world on fire.  
"How am I going to live, without you?" Cassian whispered the words, afraid that them soon would be real.  
"You find a way and now you are going to be free, you can do whatever you want and you don't have to take care of me anymore." The other man's voice was weak.  
"I don't mind taking care of you, and when you can't do that by yourself, someone else has to do it" and Cassian successes' to laugh, and even if the other man didn't have long to live he managed to give Cassian an angry look but Cassian just smiled. They both went silence when a man stands over them, a man how hated them both and Cassian was holding the Doctor tighter to his chest, like he wanted to protect him from Riff. Cassian look at Riff, Cain's butler, Cain who was the doctor's brother and how also hated him. Theirs life was full of people that hated them, so much hate.  
"I beg you, help me save Cain" said Riff and the Doctor smiled ant played with the scalpel.  
"I have a way but it's only giving you a day. Are you going to waist it on Cain?" ask the doctor simply.  
"Help me" was the only thing Riff said and the wounded man nodded.  
"Don't waste my blood, Riff" the doctor looks away from Riff and in to Cassians brown eyes and he raised his hand and gently stroke him over the cheek.  
"It has always been you Cassian, only you and I have always know that you were my way out of hell. But I never dared to follow that path, scared to find what was outside. I rather live in hell that I know with you and free in all loony and frightening world" the word was slowly spoken and Cassian was nearly crying. "I have never said the words but you have always known that I love you, but I want you to hear them before I die" the dying man breathed slowly and took a deep breath.  
"I love you Cassian" he said and Cassian was the only one to hear it.  
"It's not going to change anything and I can't change your mind but I love you too" he said and he leans in to kiss him for the first and last time. The kiss with death was reminding him of rain and when the pull apart he could see that the other man hade closet his eyes. Cassian smiled shortly before he saw how the scalpel was places on the throat, of the other man. In the next second Cassian felt the blood on his face and he saw the life leave the doctor.  
"Don't deer to waist a single drop of that blood" Cassian warn him and Riff drunk it all up and met his gaze before he left them all alone again. Cassian didn't care if Riff found Cain or not, his beloved was dead anyway. Cassian took the dead man's hand and placed a kiss up on it before he smiled. He Know was he had to do, and it wasn't a different decision. This was the only thing he could do.  
"I am coming to you Jizabel" he said and to the scalpel in his hand, he felt the pain when it cut through the skin, but the pain soon left and Cassian was lying next to Jizabel. They wasn't two person drifted apart, no they were one and the same, bounded by love.


End file.
